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SATIRE: Biden Furious To Be Called Home From Beach Just Because World War 3 Starting

SATIRE: Biden Begins Searching Through Trunk Of Corvette Hoping To Find Nuclear Codes

SATIRE: World In Shock As Murderous Terrorist State Ignores Warning From Impotent Old Man

SATIRE: 10 Crimes You Can Be Executed For In Texas

SATIRE: Biden Announces Plan To Win Over Young Voters By Getting Rid Of Blockbuster Movie Rental Late Fees

SATIRE: Congress Passes Bill Allowing Surveillance On Every American Except For Those Who Bring Cocaine Into White House

SATIRE: Ladies And Gentlemen, We Got Him: Angel Hernandez Finally Arrested

SATIRE: Cookie Monster Shows Off Stunning Weight Loss After Taking Ozempic

SATIRE: Kari Lake Announces Plan To Lose Another Election But This Time While Supporting Baby Murder

SATIRE: New Star Wars Game Lets You Play As Lesbian Jedi Who Drives Subaru Landspeeder

SATIRE: Democrat Governors Promise They Will Do Everything In Their Power To Make Elections Appear Legitimate

SATIRE: Taco Bell Releases New 'Every Day We Stray Further From God's Light' Chalupa Supreme

SATIRE: Experts Recommend Calling A Hispanic Person Latine If You Want To Get Punched In The Face

SATIRE: Is Your Pastor A Charlatan Fleecing The Congregation To Make Obscene Wealth? Look For These Subtle Warning Signs

SATIRE: 4D Chess: Baby About To Be Aborted Claims Squatter's Rights

SATIRE: Trump Indicted For Taking More Chick-fil-A Sauces Than He Actually Needed For His Order

SATIRE: New Biden Diet Sweeps Nation: Pay The Same Amount Of Money But Eat 50% Less Food

SATIRE: 'I Don't Want To Go To Church, It's Full Of Hypocrites', Says Hypocrite

SATIRE: Police Slowly Escort White Hearse Containing O.J. Simpson

SATIRE: O.J. Simpson Excited For God To Tell Him Who Real Killer Was

SATIRE: Sheila Jackson Lee Asks Why Elon Musk Wants To Colonize Mars Since It's Just A Giant Ball Of Spaghetti Sauce

SATIRE: Steven Furtick Debuts New Line Of Chastity Wear

SATIRE: Sheila Jackson Lee Named Head Of Harvard Astronomy Department

SATIRE: Op-Ed: If Jesus Supports Forgiveness, How Can Christians Not Support Robbing Poor People To Pay For My Journalism Degree?

SATIRE: BREAKING: Hamas Offers To Release Zero Hostages In Exchange For All Jews Being Wiped From The Face Of The Earth

SATIRE: White House Announces Inflation Doing Great If You Hold The Chart Upside Down

SATIRE: American Transition To Idiocracy Running Ahead Of Schedule

SATIRE: 8 Forms Of Travel Safer Than Getting In A Boeing

SATIRE: Timothee Chalamet Cast As Doctor Who, James Bond, Spider-Man, Ron Weasley, Lara Croft

SATIRE: Unborn Babies Warn Of Political Implications If They're Allowed To Live

SATIRE: NFL Refs Prep For Next Season By Staring At Eclipse

SATIRE: Mental Health Experts Confirm Sunny Day At The Ballpark 1000 Times More Effective Than Antidepressants

SATIRE: Planet Fitness Offers $20 Premium Membership Where You Get Access To Bathroom Without Any Perverts In It

SATIRE: Biden Announces Student Loan Forgiveness To Help People Afford All His Taxes And Inflation

SATIRE: NASA Sends Rover To Search For Intelligent Life On 'The View'

SATIRE: 12 Deadly Things You Had No Idea The Government Was Adding To Your Water

SATIRE: Stock Market Eclipse Glasses - SELL SELL SELL

SATIRE: Unborn Babies Begin Considering Third Party Candidates

SATIRE: 'During This Time Of Total Eclipse, What's Blocking The Son In Your Life?' - Op-Ed By Chet Skatington, Youth Pastor

SATIRE: Caitlin Clark To Retire From Spotlight And Enter WNBA

SATIRE: Vatican Reluctantly Sides With God On Gender Theory

SATIRE: Trump Says His Position On Abortion Is Whichever One Will Get Him Elected

SATIRE: South Carolina Women's Basketball Coach Announces Incoming Recruits Greg And Dave

SATIRE: The Babylon Bee Officially Invites Ben Shapiro And Candace Owens To Come Settle Things Like Adults By Sumo Wrestling

SATIRE: Unclear If Guy Next To You In Church Nailing Cool Harmony Or Just Singing Way Off Key

SATIRE: Dorks Of Nation Helpfully Identify Themselves By Putting On Solar Eclipse Glasses

SATIRE: 9 Signs God Might Be Slightly Angry With Your Country

SATIRE: Bible Scholars Believe Noah Made Over 977 Trips To Home Depot During Ark Construction

SATIRE: Family Stages Intervention For Midwestern Man's Addiction To Flannel

SATIRE: Biden Demands Israel Fight Rest Of War Using Nerf Guns

SATIRE: Canadian Man Too Polite To Tell Doctor He Doesn't Want To Be Euthanized

SATIRE: Mark Zuckerberg Locked Out Of X Account After Bot Purge

SATIRE: Earthquake As Jews Dig Tunnels Too Deep And Unearth A Balrog

SATIRE: Teen Thanks Parents For Supporting Him Through That Time Of Confusion But Can He Have His Testicles Back Now

SATIRE: Midlife Crisis: Wife Begs Husband To Just Buy A Convertible Instead Of A Greek Trireme

SATIRE: Biden Still Polling Well With 3 A.M. Mail-In Ballot Demographic

SATIRE: California Starbucks Struggling To Find Robot Workers With Enough Tattoos And Piercings To Work Registers

SATIRE: Parents Really In Need Of Vacation After Grueling Vacation

SATIRE: Adam Waits Patiently As Eve Tries On 23 Different Fig Leaves

SATIRE: Pastor's Popularity Skyrockets After Church Installs 'Skip Intro' Option

SATIRE: Democrats Warn Parents To Quickly Transition Their Kids Before They Grow Out Of It

SATIRE: To Regain Popularity, MLB To Allow One Player Per Team To Take Steroids

SATIRE: New Version Of Guess Who? Includes All 437 Genders

SATIRE: Mexican Robots Surge Across Southern Border To Take New Fast Food Jobs In California

SATIRE: After Asking For Preferred Gender Pronouns, Doctor Asks Patient, 'OK, Now What's Your Actual Gender?'

SATIRE: I Was Drawn And Quartered For This?! Thinks Despondent Ghost Of William Wallace In Skies Over Edinburgh

SATIRE: China Offers To Send 100,000 Soldiers To Taiwan To Assist With Earthquake Cleanup

SATIRE: Top 1 Great Ideas For Throwing A Gender Reveal Party

SATIRE: 'I Didn't Do That,' Insists Biden After Aides Ask Him Who Colored On The Wall Of The Lincoln Bedroom

SATIRE: 9 Other Groups That Desperately Need Their Own Day Of Visibility

SATIRE: Civil War Erupts In Southern Town As Two First Baptist Churches Open

SATIRE: Caitlin Clark Canonized As Saint After Performing Miracle Of Making Women's Basketball Watchable

SATIRE: Judge Orders Trump To Stop Noticing That The People Trying To Put Him In Jail Are Democrats

SATIRE: Old Fogies Reminiscing About Good Ol' Days Forget We Have Doritos Locos Tacos Now

SATIRE: Scottish Parliament Declares William Wallace Was A Woman After Learning He Wore A Skirt

SATIRE: 17 More Babylon Bee Headlines From Bible Times

SATIRE: Lizzo Retires To Spend More Time At Texas Roadhouse Wolfing Down Entire Buckets Of Those Delicious Rolls

SATIRE: Church Of Christ Grand Council Declares Air Guitar OK During Worship

SATIRE: In Hilarious April Fools Joke, Congress Announces They Are Working Hard To Serve The American People

SATIRE: Man Daydreams About Glory Days Of Playing Video Games At The Demo Kiosk While Mom Shopped

SATIRE: In Desperate Bid To Save Cultural Christianity, Dawkins Dons WWJD Bracelet, Christian Novelty Shirt

SATIRE: 4D Chess: Trump Makes Mar-A-Lago Worth $500 Million By Hanging Up 3 Hunter Biden Paintings

SATIRE: Biden Condemns Jesus For Rising Again On Trans Day Of Visibility

SATIRE: Biden Grants Day Of Visibility To Segment Of Population With Most Visibility In All Of Human History

SATIRE: God Confirms People Who Attend Church Two Days Per Year Can Go To Heaven For Two Days Per Year

SATIRE: Pontius Pilate Sure Glad That Whole Jesus Ordeal Is Done With

SATIRE: Democrats Issue Nationwide Fetterman Recall

SATIRE: Study Finds Link Between Happiness And Not Knowing What's Going On With Steven Crowder

SATIRE: At Manhattan Fundraiser The Boys Reminisce About All The Good Times They Had Together On That Other Island

SATIRE: Financial Advisor Reminds New Parents It's Never Too Early To Start Saving Up Money For Legos

SATIRE: Absolute Psychopath Lets Microwave Count Down All The Way To Zero

SATIRE: In Bonding Moment, Father Teaches Son How To Call Handyman To Fix Faucet

SATIRE: New All-Female Pirates of the Caribbean Movie Just Two Hours of Boats Backing into Rocks

SATIRE: Aides Wake Biden To Play That Fun President Game Again

SATIRE: MLB Votes To Add Hip-Drop Tackles To Liven Up The Sport

SATIRE: Dad Lands Dream Job At Brewery Coming Up With Puns For Naming Beers

SATIRE: In Last Ditch Attempt To Save Job, Ronna McDaniel Gets Lesbian Haircut

SATIRE: DeSantis Kicked Out Of Republican Party For Accomplishing Too Many Things

SATIRE: Not To Be Outdone By Trump, Biden Releases Own Version Of The Quran

SATIRE: 'This Movie Is Rated PG, It Should Be Fine For The Kids,' Says Mom Clicking Play On 'Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom'

SATIRE: Of Course Im Listening To You, Says Husband Who Is Actually Thinking About Medieval Siege Warfare Tactics

SATIRE: Diddy Hired As New President Of Nickelodeon Studios

SATIRE: 10 Changes Trump Made In The God Bless The USA Bible

SATIRE: Buttigieg Praises Cargo Ship For Helping Dismantle Racism In American Roads

SATIRE: Nation Starting To Wonder If Diddy May Have Done A Few Of Those Things He Repeatedly Rapped About Doing

SATIRE: NYC Mayor Assures Migrants That If They Run Out Of Prepaid Debit Cards They Can Just Rob Americans Directly

SATIRE: In Bold Speech, Biden Calls On Ships To Stop Crashing Into Bridges

SATIRE: Man Goes To Heaven, Immediately Asks God To Replay Arguments With His Wife So He Can Prove He Was Right

SATIRE: New NFL Rules Require Opposing Teams To Just Hug It Out

SATIRE: Transportation Sec'y Pete Buttigieg Holds Emergency Press Conference To Announce He Is Taking 3 More Months Maternity Leave

SATIRE: Bald Man Not Comforted By Fact That God Knows All The Hairs On His Head

SATIRE: Kamala Warns Israel Not To Violate San Francisco City Council's Ceasefire Decree

SATIRE: Trump Announces He Will Pay Entire Bond Using Bags Of Nickels

SATIRE: Letitia James Prosecuted For Grossly Overvaluing Trump's Fine

SATIRE: Wendy's Is Fine, Nation Agrees

SATIRE: Man Wishes There Were A Radical Progressive Journalist Nearby To Tell Him Whether This Post Is Misinformation

SATIRE: Boeing Board Forces CEO To Resign After Evidence Surfaces He Is A White Male

SATIRE: 7 Super Helpful Things Parents Yell At Kids Baseball Games

SATIRE: Not Another Friggin Phil Wickham Song, Mutter Angels As Local Church Starts Worship Set

SATIRE: New 'SquatBNB' Service Helps Squatters Find Perfect Home To Take Over

SATIRE: Shohei Ohtani Concerned About Effect Betting Scandal Will Have On Dodgers World Series Odds

SATIRE: Meghan Markle Announces Netflix Show About How Hard It's Been Dealing With Kate Middleton's Cancer Diagnosis

SATIRE: 9 Ways To Outfox Squatters Living On Your Property

SATIRE: Woman Who Calls Herself An Influencer Has Literally Never Influenced Anyone To Do Anything Ever

SATIRE: Shrek Prosecuted After Trying To Remove Squatters From Swamp

SATIRE: National Guardsman Being Trampled By Migrants Glad To Hear We're Not Being Invaded

SATIRE: Planet Fitness Rated Best Gym In America By The National Association Of Perverts

SATIRE: The Babylon Bee Guide To Being The Church Sound Guy

SATIRE: Woman Unable To Distinguish Between Basketball And Hockey About To Smoke Your March Madness Bracket Again

SATIRE: Media Says Border Crisis Not An Invasion, It Is Simply A Group Of Military-Aged Males Using Force Against Our Military To Enter And

SATIRE: Top 6 Health Benefits of Cigar Smoking

SATIRE: Checkmate: Trump Sneaks Back Into White House, Invokes Squatter's Rights

SATIRE: Planet Fitness Adds 'Bigot Alarm' To Shame Women Who Don't Want Men In Their Locker Room

SATIRE: Man Playing Video Games With His Mind Claims He's Only Losing Because He Got The Mad Catz Neuralink

SATIRE: Hamas Scientists Struggling To Figure Out How To Make Emergency Food Rations Explode

SATIRE: Dozens Injured At Capitol After Omnibus Bill Tips Over

SATIRE: Holy Spirit Trapped In Church After Acolyte Forgets To Walk Flame Out Of Sanctuary

SATIRE: Who Is The Antichrist? 10 Most Likely Candidates

SATIRE: AOC Says RICO Not A Crime, He's The Guy Who Delivers Her Food

SATIRE: NYC Homeowner Arrested For Not Providing Squatters With WiFi Password

SATIRE: Conspiracy Theorists Owned: Royal Family Releases Undoctored Picture Of Healthy Kate Middleton

SATIRE: Double Or Nothing: Trump Challenges Judge Engoron To $450 Million Game Of One-On-One

SATIRE: Mexico Begins Constructing Wall To Keep Illegal Immigrants From Coming Back

SATIRE: Court Flips Coin To See If Texas Allowed To Enforce Laws Today

SATIRE: Pharisees Accuse Jesus Of Threatening To Capture His Enemies In Nets And Kill Them With Latest Fishers Of Men Comment

SATIRE: 9 Times Trump Clearly Called For Bloodshed

SATIRE: New Boeing 737 Toy Features Wings That Really Fall Off

SATIRE: Unborn Baby Terrified As Olivia Rodrigo Music Starts Playing

SATIRE: City Finally Gets 473rd Vape Shop It So Desperately Needed

SATIRE: Confused By Your Husband's Cryptic Texts? Let The Babylon Bee Interpret Them For You

SATIRE: Ketanji Brown Jackson Warns Right To Free Speech Could Lead To People Speaking Freely

SATIRE: Unhinged Trump Threatens More Violence By Promising To Trigger A Landslide On Election Day

SATIRE: FBI Arrests #1 Most Wanted Criminal Pepe The Frog

SATIRE: All Murderers Released From Death Row After Biden Declares No One Is Illegal

SATIRE: Democrats Clarify They're OK With A Bloodbath If It's Just From Killing The Unborn

SATIRE: Illegal Immigrants Politely Decline Free Flight On A Boeing

SATIRE: Google Gemini Wishes Everyone A Happy St. Patrick's Day

SATIRE: Media Reports Trump Threatened Nuclear War After He Says, 'This Guacamole Is The Bomb!'

SATIRE: 10 More Things Don Lemon Demanded From Elon Musk

SATIRE: Demon Goes On Holy Pilgrimage To Satanic Temple

SATIRE: Heartwarming: These 9 Immigrants Tell Us Why They Came Over The Border

SATIRE: Women Be Shoppin

SATIRE: Matt Walsh Blasts Video Games As 'Childish, Pointless Drivel' After Son Beats Him In Mario Kart

SATIRE: Well Done, My Good And Faithful Servant: Satan Welcomes Man Who Knocked On Public Bathroom Doors Throughout His Time On Earth

SATIRE: 9 Lesser-Known Facts About Saint Patrick

SATIRE: James O'Keefe Clarifies He Whispered 'No Homo' After Everything He Said On Undercover Gay Date

SATIRE: How 13 Different News Outlets Covered Elon Musk's Successful SpaceX Launch

SATIRE: Canadian Supreme Court Rules Justin Trudeau Is An Outdated Term And Should Instead Be Referred To As Person With A Vagina

SATIRE: Is Your Man Thinking About Dune? 11 Signs To Look For

SATIRE: Don Lemon Announces New Show Airing Exclusively On MySpace

SATIRE: Progressive Kids Play Classic Game Of 'Smear The Oppressive Patriarchal Colonialists Who Perpetuate Cis-Whitness And Literal Violence

SATIRE: New Greta Thunberg GPS Lectures You When Refusing More Eco-Friendly Route

SATIRE: Progressives Fear That Without TikTok, They Won't Be Able To Convince Kids To Join Their Weird Sex Cult

SATIRE: Amen And Amen! Check Out The Top 10 Verses From New The Donald Trump Bible Translation

SATIRE: Get Back To Work, You Lazy Bums! Shouts Ben Shapiro At Retirement Home

SATIRE: Nation Reassured As Special Counsel Transcript Reveals Biden Still Able To Make Car Noises With His Mouth

SATIRE: The Babylon Bee Interprets Your Wife's Texts

SATIRE: John Kerry Praises Haitian Cannibals' Efforts To Reduce Humanity's Carbon Footprint

SATIRE: Boeing Proudly Announces It Has Fixed Malfunctioning Whistleblower

SATIRE: Terrorists Decide Against Hijacking Plane After Realizing It's A Boeing

SATIRE: The Only 10 Things Republicans And Democrats Can Agree On

SATIRE: Hamas Fighter Really Struggling With Resolution Not To Rape Anyone During Ramadan

SATIRE: Millions Of British Kids Forced To Live Normal, Happy Lives After UK Bans Puberty Blockers

SATIRE: Due To Inflation, Subway Introduces New $5 Inch-Long

SATIRE: Haitian Cannibal Gangs Pour Over US Border After Seeing How Fat Americans Are

SATIRE: Man Thoughtfully Responds To Wife's Nine-Paragraph Text About Her Day With A Thumbs-Up Emoji

News Index

Brandon Surrenders to China

I've Joined the Church

Satire: Biden Relieved to Hear There's No Shortage of Adult Diapers

Satire: Winning: Elon Musk Makes All of Bill Gates's Tweets Autocorrect to Say Poopy Butt'

Satire: Cdc Recommends Isolating Yourself from All Other Human Beings by Going to See Morbius

SATIRE: Bill Clinton Tests Positive for Covid, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis, HIV, Herpes (continued)

Leaked Reports Declare Obama's Unwritten Novel Wins

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 6 No 2

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 4