The Holmes Family Newsletter

earthquake!

Where were you when it hit?

Eleanor hits jackpot!

Bill doesn't

About a month ago, Eleanor hit a $1250 jackpot playing the slots in Tahoe! That just about covers her losses of the previous couple months.
Bill played Lotto last Wednesday – $10 worth! Of course, he only got two numbers right. But that tied his all-time best. That's right, he's never even won $5. Why does he keep playing?

Greg visits Sacramento

gives free exercise clinic

Greg is in the middle of a state-wide tour of California giving free exercise clinics. He demonstrated his fitness tips for an enthralled crowd at Dad's house last week.
"My ultimate goal," says Greg, "is a physically fit America."

HOROSCOPE

If you were born between October 23 and November 21, you are a Scorpio. And we feel very sorry for you. You are a borderline schizophrenic sex fiend. And it would probably be a good idea to register your name with the police and at the free clinic. This month will also be a good time to have that plastic surgery you've been putting off. Good fortune is just around the corner. Pay all your bills on time this month. And be sure to look both ways before crossing the street.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

"Greetings from the Fatherland! My room is very nice. The main problem is only half of it is high enough to stand upright in. Freiburg, however, is the best place I've ever lived. The nightlife here is extraordinary since it's a university town.
I just got back from an Oktoberfest in Stuttgart. This is the one the Germans go to. Everyone in the hall was on the tables dancing with a liter of beer in hand. It was basically like the State Fair, only not so much livestock. I slept in a car that night. According to Germans, it really doesn't matter whose it was.
I have a very good chance of starting work by the end of the week as a vegetable inspector for a trucking company.
For sport, I play squash. It's a great sport for us ex-badminton stars.
Please excuse my grammar and penmanship.
P.S. – This is off the record." – Mike, student, Freiburg

[Sorry Mike, but I liked your letter so much, I had to print it.]

ANOTHER INTERVIEW

[This week we spoke with some guy we found on the street.]

THE MAUDLIN WANDERER

Saturday, October 14, 1989

Took a little trip down memory lane today. Drove by the old Edison Avenue house. What a joke that place is. It's like a forest. It looks really weird. But, at least it's shady.
I then headed out to Folsom, taking a circuitous Edison-to-Winding Way-to-Madison-to-Folsom-Auburn Road route that I used to take on my little "stingray" bicycle in the summers. It's at least a 15-mile trip. And I was only 11 or 12 at the time! Kind of amazing, huh?
Anyway, once in Folsom, the memories were much older and dustier and, well, harder to remember. I never did find the old School Street house. But then, I could have driven right by it and not recognized it. What was the address, anyway?
I had lunch at – where else? – the old A&W. And there just happened to be a football game in progress at Folsom High. The Bulldogs were playing some blue & gold team.
Had no problem finding the old Inwood Road house. (It's still a gravel road, by the way.) Whoever lives there now has put in a second-level wooden deck up against the backside of the house.
The "white house" looks like an old shack. There are actually two houses there, one behind the other. They're both shacks. And the old weeping willow tree seems to be gone.
Folsom Lake, such as it is, is still there. So are the prison, the rodeo grounds, and the zoo.
Anyway, that's an update for you on the old neighborhood. It hasn't really changed that much, actually.
Until next time, this is The Maudlin Wanderer saying, "You're never too young to be senile and stuck in the past."

ADVICE CORNER